May I Be Excused?

May I Be Excused?

In life, sometimes things just happen...things come together and occasionally they will fall apart. We can not really say how long things will last, and since everything has its purpose under the heavens, the blessing is in the experience.

  Relationships will come and go, marriages can fall apart. It is a sad reality for most of our population. I suppose there are countless reasons why marriages don’t seem to last as long as they did when my grandparents were brought together. I feel certain that the public acceptance of divorce just made the separation a little easier, for some. I am of the belief that when people initially get married it is with the hope that it will last much longer than it usually does.

  While separation can be a sad decision for the adults involved, my concern is not for them. As adults we have the ability to move ahead; we can go forward and deal with whatever life throws our way. My true concern lies with the children, whom have never had to deal with the stigma of a broken home.

  Honestly, I never cared for the term “broken home”. What would make a home broken? Truthfully, two parents can live apart and still actively participate in their children’s lives, effectively. So I don’t believe that term is accurate in that situation. But when the family is actually torn apart, when there is REALLY an absent parent...physically and emotionally, real damage occurs. Broken homes are created by abandonment, neglect, isolation; we break promises and because of that...we break hearts.

  In actuality, the home isn’t broken...just our children’s hopes and dreams. I’m not suggesting that parents stay together for the sake of the child, that doesn’t always create the best atmosphere for the kids either. But I am saying that the “out of sight out of mind” adage can be a sad truth.

  Children are precious, true proof that God exists. When we are blessed with the love of a child, there is nothing that will ever compare to it. I have often heard divorced parents say that they love their child, unfortunately, in more cases than not...it is followed by a “but”. I have heard every excuse imaginable...I have to find myself...I need to get my life straight...I even heard someone say that their child is better off without them.

  But in my opinion, none of those excuses even matter. While we are getting ourselves together, our children our growing; they are experiencing their “firsts”. While we are finding ourselves, our children are learning who they are and what they want to do with their lives. Our children are crawling, walking, and running. Our children are learning how to drink and eat all by themselves. They are going to school for the very first time, they are losing their first tooth. They are playing sports, making friends and making drawings to post on the refrigerator. They are starting high school, dating, going to their prom, and graduating. But more importantly, while we are thinking that our children are better off without us...what our children hear is that our lives are better without them. Children, in this situation don’t think that we divorced their mother or father...they think we divorced them. Children will blame themselves, for anything and everything.

  Before we know it, our kids are grown. And when our grown children come to us and ask why we didn’t love them enough to call or visit...what will we say? What do we say when our grown children demand answers that a joke or toy won’t answer? What do we do when our, once smiling sweet children, become angry and bitter adults? Who do we blame then?

  What do we say when we pray? What do we pray for when we failed to appreciate the gift that our Creator gave us, when we were made parents? What excuse can we give to the one that knows our excuses are just excuses?

  I pray it isn’t too late for you...once we lose time it can’t be bartered back. We can not purchase love. We can not go back in time. Smiles create memories...and memories make life worth living. Handmade birthday cards and macaroni necklaces mean more than any soul searching mission ever would.

  You need only remember this, the most important position that you will ever have is parenthood; and the pay is more rewarding than diamonds or pearls...because children pay you in butterfly kisses. See that smile? It’s the start of another memory...make a few more.