If You Are Listening

If You Are Listening...

 She is always a little reserved; some may say that she is shy. But I have seen this look before, she is not quiet...she is afraid. She only wants to walk through life quietly without conflict or confrontation; not realizing that what she is doing can not be called living at all. She wants friends, but who would understand the way she is forced to live? She can not even confide in the family and friends that she has now...without the threat of bringing the darkness to their doorway, as well.

  How would she live with the fact that someone she loved may be hurt or even killed simply because they stood by her? So she moves silently...careful not to draw unnecessary attention to herself or her life. She flies under the radar, this self-isolating being of God...praying silently that one day this will all end.

She falls to her knees in desperation. “Dear God, if you are listening...please make him stop”. “Please let me fall asleep forever”. But the next day will look very much like this one...he will watch her; even if he doesn’t speak to her. His presence will speak more loudly than words or actions...”I am here”. “I am not going away”. “I am in control”. “I can not be stopped”. “If you tell anyone, I will kill them...and you will know it was your fault”. And at the end of this day, again, she will pray.

  Understand, her story is not as unique as you may think. Most likely you know someone similar to her, as over 1 million women are stalked in the United States every year. And 89% of femicide victims, the misogynous killing of women by men, have been abused and stalked by their killers12 months prior to their murder.

  What these statistics show is that this is an ongoing problem in our nation. One way of bringing this issue into the light is to remind people that stalking...following...pursuing...and tailing people for the purpose of keeping tabs on them...is not a sign or symbol of love and affection. This is a crime. We need to stop placing blame on the victims of this offense and start pointing fingers at the assailant. We have no reason or cause to continually attack the victim by making excuses for the perpetrator. “If she had said no more loudly...”, “If she hadn’t smiled at him...”, “If she hadn’t worn that outfit”..., “If she had told someone”. She was not at fault...and chastising her will not make the situation get better; all we do when we criticize her...is empower the abuser.

  Stalking is a step below assault and murder. It is compulsive, controlling and violent behavior. We must become aware of this problem...by humanizing the women who are under attack. She could be your mother...your sister....she could be your daughter. Raise your hands up; this is not a big boys club. This is not about brotherhood, it is about mankind. Speak up whenever you can, put your foot down...take a stand against misogyny and femicide.

  Begin today, re-evaluate the way we treat the women in our lives. What starts out small can become enormous...and the beauty in that statement is that we can make it better. Create awareness. January 2012 is Stalking Awareness Month; be aware of this problem. There is no age cap on the female victims, embrace our children. Teach our young boys and girls about respect and boundaries. Guide these young minds and hearts...they are looking to you for support and leadership.

  Show love, by expressing your intolerance of abuse. Don’t make the assumption that the behavior is harmless just because no one has been harmed yet. And if you want to get an idea of what this behavior feels like, on the receiving end...try this exercise: Take down all the curtains, blinds and shades from all of your windows in your home. Leave all your doors wide open...including the front and back door, in fact even leave your bathroom door open; How safe and secure do you feel? How does it feel to think that someone may watch you while you are watching television, eating, sleeping, changing clothes, and bathing? Imagine that every day of your life is like this...are you having fun yet?

  We MUST make a change...in ourselves and then in others. Spend today showing love to all of the women in your life. It can be cold living in the shadows shame and doubt...tell her you love her...let the warmth begin with you.

New Beginnings

New Beginnings

    January always seems to be a time and occasion for new beginnings. It marks the beginning of a new year, and we are hopeful that this year will be better than the last. I, too, have that hope. I hope this year isn’t filled with as much loss and sadness as last year was; not only for me but for all those that the light touches.

  But no matter how I try and divide it, had it not been for the wonderful people in my life this past year...I may not have survived the sadness and loss. All of this goes back to my concept of life...everything has its season...and God brings all things into the light. I may have had moments when I was sad or even cried, but they were downplayed by the many minutes, hours, days, weeks, and months I had filled with smiles and laughter.

  While I can not deny the pain that I felt, I also could not hide the joy that our Creator bestowed upon me, as well. I learned that the best way to work through my sadness was to write. I not only wrote about what made me unhappy in my own personal life...but what made me sad with the world that we all live in. And although I am only one person, I was hopeful that if only one person read what I wrote...maybe they would tell someone else about it. We have a possibility to link to one another like a chain...and we could spread compassion instead of hate. It is a way of becoming one with our creator. And since we all have the attributes of God, similar to the way we have characteristics of our birth parents; we can choose to give love and become love.

  The sadness I had felt periodically through out the year was very real; and while focusing on other things did not make the emotions go away...it did help steady me. I could concentrate on what was making someone else sad or concerned. I could lend my shoulder or ear to my fellow man/woman...hoping to show them that they are a significant part of my life; furthering the idea that we are all one.

  My heart broke for the children dying in the Horn of Africa; and whilst I could not feed them...I could bring them into my writing. I could pray for them and those who were in a position to help them. I could sign an online petition and write about the drought and the deaths occurring as a result of that drought. I could link my writing back to an informative video, petition or information link...so if nothing else, I helped create awareness. This gave me hope, because finally I felt like I was not only a drop of water in a bucket...but the beginning of a downpour. If I could take a small step, perhaps someone else would, as well. In January of last year there were people who had no idea what was going on in the Horn of Africa, and some didn’t even know where it was. However, by December, we could no longer claim ignorance. Yes, we could still choose to do nothing. We could sit around on our hands or point fingers at others...but we could no longer say, “I just didn’t know”. The actions we take from this point on would be an informed action...even if the only action we took...was to do nothing.

  Also in this past year, we came face to face with the death penalty. And although our feelings and thoughts on it were clearly divided...we allowed ourselves to have the conversation. This is also another sore spot in my heart, as I feel without a doubt that ALL life is precious. Even though we may not agree about the issue, this year, via the Troy Anthony Davis execution, we were all able to voice our opinions. Again this is a sad situation, but we should at least rejoice in the fact that we got the opportunity to have the conversation. And I do pray in the coming year and many more to come that the rest of the country will join the 15 states that have taken away the death penalty. Hopefully we will see that punishment should be just that and not retaliation...murder is murder.

  In 2011, we became painfully aware of our children and the issues that bullying has on them. We learned that it is no longer that kid on the corner waiting to steal lunch money. Bullying has gotten much more perverse, violent even fatal. As parents we need to be proactive before we must become reactive. Our children are dying, not only at the hands of other children...but at their own hands. The number of teenage suicides is on the rise and this is largely due to other teenagers. We must watch our children. Be aware of the social networking that they participate in...Bullying does not just happen in the classroom, but online and via text messages. Being a teenager is difficult, and being a parent just became more difficult. Watch your children...do they find humor at the expense of other children? Watch for the signs of bullying...or even worse....complacency. If your child does not speak up for the child that is being harassed...they are contributing to the abuse of that child. Create a dialogue with your children...their lives have just gotten dangerous. When you are aware that your child is not “NICE”...and you don’t speak to them...it is similar to letting them walk out of your home to go school with a gun in their back pack.

  2012 is a year of hope; a year of reflection. We can be the change we are always looking for by using the experience of 2011. I pray that you use the love of our creator in all that you say and do.

   

Resolving My Resolution

Resolving My Resolution

  Every year around this time people talk about resolutions, I guess that makes sense...wanting to start off the year with a clean slate. There will be millions of promises of cutting calories, avoiding alcohol, cutting back on spending, and various other habits that we may want to change. All of which is good, I know that I am always aware that there are things that I could do to improve upon myself.

  But, even in knowing this information, I don’t really do resolutions. I feel like I am setting myself up for failure that way. I never say this year, this month, or even this week...I will give up...anything. Why? Well, because for me, life is a moment at a time. If I can make it through today, being a little stronger...a little kinder...for myself and those around me...then I am a success. I will mess up. And since I am human, I allow myself that reality. But the real beauty is found in the fact that even though I may not be perfect...tomorrow I will again attempt to do better.

  I will speak more softly and less rapidly. I will try and listen more intently. I will try and avoid those tempting conversations that I know will grow to become a war of wills. I will attempt to show people how very much I love them, with all that I say and do. I will continue talking to God and pray that the intentions of my heart remain as pure as they were when I was a child.

  And just as certainly as I have written this...I will fall short. I know this may sound like I am giving myself a “free pass” to fail...but it is really just a matter of saving myself from my most destructive critic...me. I learned long ago that the bar I set for myself is, more times than not, unrealistic. I tend to hold myself accountable for the actions of others...thinking that if I had just done a little more, maybe I could have made a difference. But the sad reality for me is that we all are responsible for ourselves. We all have the knowledge that everyday is a new day; a new beginning. We can learn from our shortcomings, or those of others. We can add to the light of others or we can splash water on their flame...it’s a new day.

  I don’t really need a resolution to remind me that I should push myself away from the table a little sooner, or that I didn’t really NEED that new dress. But these are lofty goals, and I can accept them as such. The definition for resolution is to make a firm decision to do something; the process of resolving something such as a problem or dispute. So, for myself, I would find the resolution for world peace to be a good resolution...although perhaps one that we should work at everyday, and not just on New Years Eve. I would resolve to end hunger, in the Horn of Africa and every where in the world, I would resolve to end senseless killing on the global front, as well as in our own back yard. I would pray that we would stop rationalizing the killing of people by the state. I would resolve that we stop creating barriers as a means to avoid our own inner conflict.

  These are real problems or issues...so perhaps if we all resolved to work at these...all the other changes that we want to make would come a bit easier.

  I would resolve that everyone would read about something or someone that they know very little about...for with education our bounty is limitless. I would resolve that we become more compassionate about our fellow man and woman. We may learn from the very people we are careful not to touch with our hearts. I pray we stop sitting in judgment of others, lest we be judged. I hope we rally around the fact that together we are united...and as history has proven...divided we will fall.

  I wish one day that we could all sit at one giant table, and have a conversation about our day and our plans for tomorrow without fear of letting our hearts be touched by those we have been led to believe are less than us. I trust that if we open our hearts...love will lead us back to the Creator.

  Living in despair out of fear that has been bred in us causes us to lose hope. We often are walking in the blind...never quite realizing that we are making life more difficult than it has to be. I understand hesitancy. I understand it because I have been hurt before. I have reached out to someone just to have my hand burned by their flame. But had I hesitated, as a reflex from that experience...I would have not had the pleasures of my life. Instead I walked on, my head held high...knowing that the gifts of Allah/God are worth the risk of the pain.

  So in the New Year...I wish you hope...love...peace...compassion and the ability to see past what you think you know. Find a beautiful place, within your heart, mind or soul and focus on it with this thought: if you have it within you someone else also has it within themselves. Focus on your higher purpose...give back and lift up...not only for a New Year, but for a new life. Give our children a reason to smile...become the example that we all search for. Give thanks, for with God...the possibilities are endless.