The Rule

The Rule

  Today is Human Rights Day. On this day we are supposed to remind each other that we all deserve the right to be treated fairly and justly. I guess the only way to do that is to remind each other that we treat each other unjustly and unfairly all too often. We have taken the rights and privileges of others and revoked them...as if we had given them these rights to begin with.

  After all, we didn’t give people the right to be who they are...we took that right away; and when that didn’t work we enslaved, tortured and maimed creatures of God. We shouldn’t expect acknowledgement for treating people with respect, we were supposed to do that. Should I thank someone for treating me kindly, in spite of the color of my skin or the origin of my culture? Should I be relieved if I am not attacked verbally or physically after others realize my religion is unlike theirs?

  I am always thankful when people treat others with peace and love, but not in spite of our differences...because of them. We were all created with the same concept...diversity is what connects us. We should never think that we are permitted to be unkind to other human beings, because they are different than we are. I know this can be a concept that many find hard to grasp, but we didn’t actually create anything.

  God/Allah uses us as vessels to show His love. We are permitted to give birth or participate in the lives of children. He allows us the opportunity to touch others and to have them touch us as well. It has never been written that tearing people down physically or emotionally is the will of God.

  On this day let is remind our selves that a geographic location does not tell all that there is to know. We are all of the same orientation...living beings created by that which has created us all...great and small. We are labors of love, and are supposed to convey that message to others. We don’t need praise for loving that which God loves. And sometimes we just need a friendly reminder...a memo, so to speak, refreshing our hearts. God created us from His divine love and continues to do so...even past our transgressions. God finds forgiveness...even in that which most would find unforgivable. It is that thought which gives me hope. It doesn’t give me a free pass to do whatever I may want...but it makes me aware that as long as I am trying to do the right thing...God will know it. God knows because the true intentions of our hearts are never hidden from anyone, but us.

  God’s journey for us is no secret, but we have to choose to know it. We have to own our actions and hold our selves accountable for those actions. We have to stop making excuses for our short comings. We all have them, and separating one another due to some trivial differences will always sell us short and we get exactly what we deserve when we sell our souls for the sake of a win.

  Love your fellow man today...regardless of race, religion, creed, geographic location or physical appearance. And I pray that past today we can love for the sake of doing what we were created to do. Use today as a building block not a stumbling block; but know that it is okay to stumble...as long as when you pick yourself up that you aren’t so mad about falling that you forget to keep moving forward.

  Let us live by one rule...the only rule which matters...love each other as God loves us. Shake hands, listen intently and embrace the differences that we were created with. That, my sisters and brothers...is the will of God.

The Art of Delightful Debate

The Art of Delightful Debate

The one person I would go to, no matter what was going on in my life, was my sister…who just passed away this January. No matter what the problem was she would listen intently…and then remind me to laugh at myself. She would tell me to give myself 15 minutes to freak out…cry, scream, yell, stomp…do whatever I wanted in that 15 minutes. After the 15 minutes was over, we would look at options and solutions.

  That was a very important lesson, because often times we will be upset about a situation or circumstance and we will internalize it; not giving ourselves the opportunity to let it out. This frustration that we would carry around with us becomes something dark, and can prohibit us from being loving towards others. Anger doesn’t want to be bottled up…it wants to be released; unfortunately what tends to happen is that we will turn our frustration, angst and disgust onto unsuspecting bystanders. We will answer people sharply, or snap at our children or spouse, and they will never have seen it coming. And this is all because we didn’t know how to or chose not to release this negativity.

  When I feel this way…I love to write, because in my writing I can see the anger, and by the end of the blog or letter…I can find a loving peaceful way to resolve the issue within myself. If only we could always proof read what we say to others, prior to engaging in the battle of tongues. If we had a transcript of what we said and what others said to us, we would, perhaps, be able to see where one or the other crossed the line. And we could make note of what was really meant and what was a defensive mechanism kicking in.

  Often we don’t realize that our mouths can be more brutal than our fists. We can heal from a bump or bruise, but the words and tones that we leave others with, can be emotionally scarring. I know that I have gotten into a heated discussion or debate with some one I loved before, and the words they said to me would still linger. In my mind, I could not reconcile what was said out of hurt and anger…and what was truth. This becomes a problem because often when discussions become heated, we lash out at the people we are speaking to, without realizing that we are being malicious. I wonder if we could preview the conversation before actually saying it, what would we change?

  I am now calling this the “Art of Delightful Debate”. Why delightful? Well that is fairly simple, we can disagree and not be rude or angry. If we listen carefully to what is being relayed to us, we can see another’s point more readily. However if we are so busy thinking of a rebuttal that could match them…or put them in their appropriate place…we miss the communication. I know that sometimes it can be difficult to be patient, because we often make assumptions about what is going to be said; but impatience can often be detrimental to the message. And even worse than interrupting the speaker is to, pretend to pay attention, or roll your eyes or cross your arms across your chest. All of these actions send very clear messages to the speaker…what you are saying is not important to me, so could you just be quiet? Often it isn’t quite so nicely put, either.

  When I was a young girl I can remember being talked to by an older family member, after they got done speaking they said, do you understand what I just said? Of course, I said yes, not expecting the earth shattering response that would follow. “So if you understood what I said…tell me what I said”. All I could offer was a deer in the head light look, and I can assure you that had I really listened…it would have been a much better day for me. Lol.

  Communication is very important, everything communicates. Animals communicate, even trees and plants communicate, and you only have to pay attention to what they are saying. For instance when a leaf of a plant or tree is turned upside down, it means that is going to rain. If a plants leaves or blooms are sagging…it means they need water. Animals have very heightened senses. An animal senses danger or threat of danger, right away; and unlike humans, an animal does not talk themselves out of being cautious. A wolf doesn’t sense that something is coming and then say….it’s probably just the wind. No, a wolf will leave, or prepare to fight…we, as human beings have the same senses…but we do not listen to ourselves.

  We are highly evolved beings with various means of communication at our disposal, yet we rarely listen to our inner voice. It is often that inner voice that will tell us what to do…even though we may not listen. It is that very voice…that seems to come from nowhere…that is watching out for us. I have always believed that my inner voice is the voice of our creator, guiding me down my path. Showing me the way to whatever destination which is meant for me; all I ever had to do was listen.

  What is the message in all of this? Be respectful in conversations; give to others what you want in return.

 We all want our voices to be heard…it just isn’t always necessary to yell. Sometimes it is those who speak the softest that have the more attentive audience. Often snappy responses are intended to offend the other person, and they just make us appear to be immature or irrational.

  Just listen to what is being communicated and your Art of Delightful Debate…will always be productive.

Marked By Misogyny

Marked by Misogyny

Misogyny.

  This particular topic…I have pondered for close to a month now. It is an issue which of course affects me personally. But for those that didn’t know, or weren’t aware…misogyny is hate of women. Now I realize that this blog will cause people to stir and grumble about it. That actually is the point, and recently I realized that unless you shine light on issues…people will behave like it isn’t even there. And as I have learned when talking about injustices due to race, religious beliefs and bigotry, as a whole, people would rather it not be discussed. But since I am a woman…and it affects me directly, I am not willing to wish it away.

  There will be some people that will say that I am wrong, or that I am making something out of nothing…however, since it is hate against an entire group of people it does warrant an educated discussion.

  Women are often the scale in which manhood is decided…for instance, “you throw like a girl”, along with other various names that men or boys are called that refer to a female or her body parts…used to demean and isolate boys or men.

  Why is it socially acceptable for women to wear a garment usually termed “masculine”, such as jeans or pants…yet when a man or boy wants to dress in attire termed “feminine” he is ridiculed? Why is a girl being called a “tomboy” acceptable but a boy being called girl-like…or anything similar, but not as kind…is an insult? Why is it that we make fun, or create jokes about males who are in the Ballet, nurses (instead of doctors), beauticians, or various other gender biased professions?

  I suppose that who ever started and carries on these ridiculous ideas about women…never really has had a REAL woman in their life. And I say that because the strongest people I have ever known in my life…are all women.

  A woman was chosen to carry an embryo for 40 weeks and give birth to a baby weighing usually around 7-8 pounds. Why do we go to our mothers when it feels like the world is crashing down around our ears? I know men, who I find extremely masculine, that lean on their mothers when their troubles have gotten too heavy. How many men do you know that look for someone they can count on when seeking a wife? Would you feel like you could count on some one weaker than you?

  Let us not confuse compassion, and kindness for weakness. They do not go hand in hand. There have been women throughout history that have broken through barriers created by their male counterparts…which I can assure you makes them anything but weak:

1910 Alice Stebbins Wells became the first female police officer in the United States…she joined the L.A.P.D.

Early 1800’s Molly Williams (a slave) became the first female firefighter in the United States…coincidentally…she was also the first African-American female firefighter also.

1870 Esther Morris became the first female judge in the United States, in the preceding year she helped secure the right for women to vote in the Wyoming territory…where the ratio was 6 men to every one woman.

1917 Loretta Walsh was the first woman to enlist in the military; she joined the United States Navy.

1995 Lt. Kelly Flinn became the first female B-52 Bomber Pilot.

1849 Dr Elizabeth Blackwell became the first woman to graduate from medical school.

  These female pioneers broke through some thoroughly masculine career fields…I can assure you it was not an easy task. And I am certain that like most things, they were heavily scrutinized in their every move. However it did not stop them from making the way for other great women in history and in our lives.

  So the next time that you consider the weaker of the sexes…perhaps you should remember…just because you might say it… doesn’t make it so.

  It is true that women did not choose to carry children, we were created that way…but I have never spoken to a single man that said he could withstand all that birthing a child entails. Remember when we are belittling the women in our society…that means YOUR mom, YOUR grandmother, and YOUR daughter…do you really think she is weak?