Worthwhile

Worthwhile

I thought of something today

I just had to give you a call

Then sadly I realized

There wouldn’t be an answer...no answer at all

It made me think of time wasted

And I was filled with regret

Regret of vacations not taken

And memories we hadn’t made yet

Did I ever tell about how your smile

Made you stand out in a crowd

And how every day I’m left hoping

That you are smiling down us now

To know you was to love you

And to love you was a gift

Now I’m left regretful

Of all the chances that I missed

The times I missed out on your calls

Missed out on your laugh

Missed the chance to look into your eyes

Missing now what we had

I don’t think I paid enough attention

And now I’m stuck trying to recall

The greatest sister since creation

The brightest light of us all

If you are watching...know that

I know you no longer feel pain

And for that I am thankful

But one truth still remains

My heart it is still breaking

But my lungs still fill with air

The world it keeps spinning

And it doesn’t seem fair

Please look down often

And remind us to go on

Until one day we are doing it

All on our own

One day in the future

You will look down from the sky

Smile down on us to say

See...I told you...you’re going to be alright

In closing my blue eyed angel

Give God thanks and a smile

For these precious moments with you

Made my life seem worthwhile

Today

Today

Blinking past tears

Getting harder to hide

Something is missing

I no longer can deny

I understand the selfishness

That breaks my heart so

But I’m left with a pain

My life has never known

Yes, I know you were a part

Of God’s much larger plan

But your absence in my days

Is almost more than I can stand

I’ll have moments of peace

Followed by sudden dismay

Praying to God

Please don’t let me hear her name

The silence can be deadly

Like a terminal disease

I keep moving forward

But it’s hard to find relief

You were a blessing in my life

And all others you did touch

I know you have eternal peace

But I still miss you so much

Your life was a constant reminder

To make the most of today

Because as surely as God giveth

He most readily can take away

Not take away, as if to punish

Or payment for our sins

But to replenish His kingdom

With the angel you were within

How wonderful is our Father

Who truly understands

The impact of those eyes

The strength found in your hands

The sweet beauty of your laugh

That ever so bears...on my heart

Yet and still it is these things

Which make it difficult being apart

And yes of course I know

That you are with me always still

It is only your voice I’m missing

Which I know is God’s will

So tonight like nights before

I will fall down to pray

Always letting God know

I submit to His way

And whatever His plan

For my path and for me

Will be all that I want

As I fall to my knees

So while I will always miss you

And your beautiful way

I give thanks for the chance

To say I love you...today

Happy Birthday

Happy Birthday

When did I last say goodbye?

When did you last say my name?

 If I knew then what I know now…

What would I have changed?

 Would I have been less rushed?

 Would I have visited you more?

 Would I have held you close… like a secret…?

Only for me to know?

Would I have laughed with you more?

 And nagged a little less?

Would I have told you over and over?

 How your life made me feel blessed?

 Would I have had deeper talks?

About creation and our paths…

Would we have spent more time joking

 And letting the bad times pass?

 Would I have called you everyday?

Like I knew I always should…

As I watch my hands tremble…

Wishing now if I only could.

And I know I should try

To send you a smile…

For God lent me

HIS angel for a while.

 You let me borrow your shoulder

 When I needed my very best friend…

Showing me that I wouldn’t break,

 But it was okay to bend.

 You wrapped me in your love

 In your own Melissa way…

And showed me it may look bleak…

But I would be okay.

 You never let me give up on me

 Or on my GOD…

Saying”the stars are your compass…

Your pen is your rod”.

 You armed me for battle

And when the war began…

You stood right there beside me

 Where you had always been.

 Thank you for never… doubting the belief

 That I would love you forever…

But forever was too brief.

 So on your birthday

 I wanted you to see…

I will love you to the end,

 And thanks for the memory.

To You From Me

To You From Me

 Today, I thought of something I wanted to tell you…and I picked up the phone to call; I almost started dialing when I realized you wouldn’t be picking up. And I thought about all the wasted time I spent not calling you. I thought about all the wasted hours, minutes and seconds not spent telling you how very much I love you. Shame on me for not taking more time to shine God’s light on one of the most beautiful people I have ever known. Now I have moments filled with regret.

 I regret not telling you how bright your smile always was…and I pray that you are smiling down on us now. I regret the calls I didn’t make, or the vacations we didn’t take; I wish I could have those moments back. I wonder if you ever knew that when people met you, they couldn’t help but to love you. You had this aura around you; everyone wanted a part of it. You never wanted to be more than who you were; did you ever know that people would give anything to think about themselves that way?

 You could find laughter in everything. Even in illness, or sorrow…I can hear your laughter, even now. I can remember going through so much, being so sad…and you making jokes about everything. Always willing to give and be all that you can…for those whose smiles didn’t come so easily.

 Are you watching us now? Do you see how hard life has become for me? If you are, please know that I know you are in a better place. You don’t have to be in pain, or feel sorrow ever again…I am so thankful for that. But I am over wrought with sadness…my heart feels like it is breaking and re-breaking everyday. Please forgive me for being so weak. Forgive me for not sharing every moment with you…please know that my heart was always in the right place.

 Every once in a while, look down on us, and remind us to laugh at ourselves. Show us how to continue loving ourselves and each other; remind us to find reasons to get out of bed…until finally we do it without thinking about it.

 Finally, our blue eyed angel, give God our undying gratitude. For, even though our hearts are heavy right now, because your stay with us was far too brief…you have left your footprints on our hearts.